霍譯：

Ying-chun told one of the maids to light a stick of Sweet Dreams — a kind of incense which is only about three inches long and has a very thick wick so that it burns down fairly rapidly — and told the competitors that they had to complete their poems by the time the incense had burned itself out，otherwise they would be penalized.

“夢(mèng)甜香”是眾人在詠白海棠詩(shī)時(shí)點(diǎn)的香，因一般讀者對(duì)此不太了解，于是作者娓娓道來(lái)，既精辟又明白，令人讀著備感親切、易懂。應(yīng)該說(shuō)，這種細(xì)致、詳盡的介紹是作者處處為讀者著想的真實(shí)體現(xiàn)。當(dāng)然，對(duì)于異域讀者而言，這樣的“細(xì)致”與“詳盡”更是極為必要的。對(duì)于句中的解釋部分，楊譯用一句獨(dú)立的話譯出，霍譯則通過(guò)兩個(gè)破折號(hào)，以同位語(yǔ)的結(jié)構(gòu)形式體現(xiàn)出來(lái)。兩段譯文在表達(dá)效果上是基本相同的。

3) 這病就是打這個(gè)秉性上頭思慮出來(lái)的。今兒聽見有人欺負(fù)了 他兄弟，又是惱，又是氣。惱的是那群混帳狐朋狗友的扯是搬非，調(diào)三 惑四的那些人，氣的是他兄弟不學(xué)好，不上心念書，以致如此學(xué)里吵 鬧。（第十回）

楊譯：

It's this habit of worrying that's made her ill. When she heard today that someone had picked on her brother, it upset her and made her angry. Angry with those dirty dogs who cause trouble and gossip; upset because Qin Zhong doesn't study hard or give his mind to his books, and that's how this trouble started.

霍譯：

In fact, this illness has been brought on by too much worrying, I'm sure of it. Well, this morning when she heard that someone had been bullying her brother, it both upset her and at the same time made her angry. She was upset to think that those horrible boys at the school should be able to twist things round and say such terrible things about him, but she was also angry with him, because she said he must have been getting into bad ways and not giving his mind properly to his studies to have got into trouble of this sort in the first place.

該例是尤氏向金寡婦說(shuō)明秦可卿氣惱的原因。她先用“又是惱， 又是氣”兩個(gè)短句，表明了秦氏的兩種不同心情，然后用“惱的是”和“氣的是”兩個(gè)釋句分別承接，一項(xiàng)一項(xiàng)解說(shuō)，使句式連貫，條理清楚，富有邏輯性。由以上分析，并結(jié)合原文行文的特點(diǎn)——特別是形式上亦步亦趨的結(jié)構(gòu)，我們就會(huì)很容易地發(fā)現(xiàn)楊譯在結(jié)構(gòu)上打亂了原文給予讀者的美感，進(jìn)而造成了語(yǔ)意上的前后顛倒，亦即對(duì)原文的不忠實(shí)。由此可見，在提筆著手翻譯之前，對(duì)原文進(jìn)行句式結(jié)構(gòu)與修辭的認(rèn)真分析是何等重要！

毋庸諱言，翻譯中的損失是不可避免的。錢鐘書在《論文集》 (1949一1983)中寫道：“從一種文字出發(fā)，積寸累尺地度越那許多距離，安穩(wěn)到達(dá)另一種文字里，這是很艱辛的歷程。一路上顛頓風(fēng)塵，遭遇風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，不免有所遺失或受些損傷。因此，譯文總有失真和走樣的地方，在意義或口吻上違背或不盡貼合原文?！北M管如此，翻譯者所希望的就是盡量減少和彌補(bǔ)損失，同時(shí)盡量保住必保的東西。

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